Last year, I wrote on this blog about “How to Not Settle Your Case.”  This case on the heels of several months of “interesting”, to say the least, negotiations on several matters which got me thinking about creating a list of things to do if you really don’t want to settle your case. In justifying this list, I noted:

Hey, everybody is entitled to their day in court if they want it. So what if there is nothing that can be gained from it. So what if you can’t win. So what if forcing the matter to trial will create other legal issues. So what if trial will cost tens of thousands of dollars.

Since then, I thought of a few more to add to the list.

  • Your new significant other is a lawyer, they know better than your lawyer.  Of course they know better, you have been completely honest with them.  Of course they aren’t telling you what you want to hear – why would they do that?  And when they are speaking to their matrimonial partner about your case, they are giving them all of the facts, context and subtext of the case.
  • Every case is the same, so make sure that you demand the same deal that your hairdresser, or cousin’s friend, heard that that their cousin’s friend got.  While this information, if true, may be food for thought or points of discussion, ignore the potential differences inherent to each matter and demand that you get the same, even if it bears no relation to the appropriate resolution of the case.
  • Pretend that you are Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, and keep having the same conversation over and over, hoping that the answer will be different.  And don’t just do that with your spouse, do it with your lawyer too.
  • Hold grudges and let anger blind you from coming to a resolution that lets you move on with your life.  They are your feelings, don’t only embrace them but let them control all.  And don’t get therapy to deal with the real hurt, betrayal, rejection, depression, mourning, etc. that you are feeling.
  • Allow emotions to impair your judgment on financial issues.  I know that you can’t imagine your spouse living in your home with someone new, but it’s a good idea to take less for the house by selling it rather than allowing your spouse to buy you out.
  • Create a ruse that an emotional issue is really a financial one.  There will be a lot of nasty letters and everyone will be confused because you are not even arguing about the same thing, but at least one of you and his/her lawyer won’t know it.
  • Profess a desire to settle but then never compromise on any issue.  Also, don’t let your experts compromise either, even in the face of an error in their report.  And if they do have to concede the error, make sure that they change something else so that their final number never actually changes.
  • Hire a new lawyer on the eve of mediation or trial, and let that person enter the case like a bull in a china shop, as if the case just started, and there was no prior history.  Ignore the fact that both sides were making concessions and working towards and amicable resolution, and just blow things up and start from scratch, without any basis for doing so.  I am not saying that people cannot and should not change lawyers.  Sometimes it is necessary.  Sometimes the concessions being made are too much, for a variety of reasons.  But in cases where the negotiations and concessions are appropriate on both sides, if you don’t want to settle, pull the rug out from under the negotiations.
  • Hire a second, then third, then fourth, then fifth attorney every time something doesn’t go your way. 
  • In alternating conversations with your lawyer, tell them that you need to settle immediately, then tell her that you want her to litigate aggressively, then settle, then litigate, and so on.  Follow that up by being angry with your lawyer because they were trying to settle when you were back to aggressively litigating, and vice versa.
  • Believe your spouse when they are pressuring you to settle for a lot less than your attorney tells you would be a reasonable settlement.  While perhaps this doesn’t belong on this list, because it is a “how not to settle” list, maybe it belongs on a new list regarding regrets people have after taking a bad deal for the wrong reason.
  • Let your spouse convince you that they you don’t need all of the discovery because “you can trust me”, when all other evidence indicates that you can’t.  Perhaps this belongs with the prior thought.

In case you don’t remember, here is last year’s list:

10. Ignore your expert’s advice. What do they really know about the value of your business or how a judge will likely assess your total income/cash flow? What does an accountant know about taxes, or more importantly, how the IRS may address the creative accounting practices that you or your business have employed? What does the custody expert really know?

9. Ignore your lawyer’s advice. What do they know anyway? If your lawyer is telling you that you should jump at the deal on the table because it looks like a huge win, disregard it. If they tell you that you have real exposure on certain issues or may be forced to pay your spouse’s legal fees, roll the dice. If your attorney tells you that they are willing to try your case, but that you should consider settlement because the cost of the settlement will be less than the cost of the trial plus the absolute minimum you have to pay, don’t believe it. And what does your lawyer know about the law or the judge anyway?

8. Ignore the facts of your case. Trust your ability to spin the facts in a way that doesn’t make sense. Plus, how can they prove if you’re lying.

7. Ignore what the neutrals are saying. What do the Early Settlement Panelists know? What does the mediator know? When the judge has a settlement conference and gives directions, what does she/he know? Assume that the people that have no “horse in the race” are aligned with your spouse or their attorney, have been bought off, or are just plain ignorant. Really, it has nothing to do with the facts of your case or the reasonableness of your position.

6. Ignore the law. It doesn’t apply to you anyway.

5. Continue to misrepresent things, even when the other side has documents to disprove virtually everything you are saying. Assume that you will be deemed more credible than the documents.

4. Believe that the imbalance of power that existed during the marriage will allow you to bully your spouse into an unfair settlement. Assume that your spouse’s attorney won’t try protecting her/him. All lawyers roll over on their clients, right?

3. Take the position that you would rather pay your lawyer than your spouse. Ignore that fact that this tactic usually ends with your doing both, and maybe your spouse’s lawyer too.

2. Pretend as if your spouse never spent a second with the kids in the past and has no right to do so in the future. Make false allegations of neglect or abuse. Ignore the social science research that says that it is typically in the children’s best interests to spend as much time as possible with each parent. What do the experts know about your kids anyway? And while you are at it, bad mouth your spouse to or in front of the kids. Better yet, alienate them. Then fight attempts to fix the relationship.

1. Take totally unreasonable positions implementing any or all of above and on top of that, negotiate backwards. Ignore the maxim “Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered.” Put deals on the table and then reduce what you are offering. Negotiate in bad faith. Negotiate backwards. Don’t worry that this conduct may set your case back.

In case it needs to be said (though I doubt it), the above is clearly facetious and tongue in cheek. I do not recommend this behavior. It is usually self-destructive and short sighted. But, believe it or not, these things happen all of the time. While I am not saying that no case should ever be tried, because sometimes trials are necessary, if you want to ensure a costly trial that may not go well for you, try the things on this list. And if it is your day in court that you want, be careful you wish for.


Eric Solotoff is the editor of the New Jersey Family Legal Blog and the Co-Chair of the Family Law Practice Group of Fox Rothschild LLP. Certified by the Supreme Court of New Jersey as a Matrimonial Lawyer and a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Attorneys, Eric is resident in Fox Rothschild’s Roseland and Morristown, New Jersey offices, though he practices throughout New Jersey. You can reach Eric at (973)994-7501, or