Essex County Divorce Attorneys

Going through a divorce can be one of the most stressful and emotionally difficult experiences you will ever go through in your life.  Everything that you know is about to change in a dramatic way, and even getting started can be a daunting task.  After having recently blogged about who you can turn to when the divorce is over, here are five things to consider when preparing for the divorce process set (not surprisingly to those who know me) to some of my favorite Pearl Jam song titles and lyrics:

  1. The “Wishlist”:  When setting forth down the path of divorce, know what you are looking to walk away with when it is over.  Maybe you want to retain the marital home so that you can continue living the with the children, or perhaps your primary focus is on the children’s college education.  Maybe you are more generally focused on simply ensuring that you will be able to live some semblance of the lifestyle you once knew without worrying every single day about how you are going to pay your bills while trying to get back on your feet.  Lindsay Heller’s recent blog post about making your custody and parenting time wish list is also great place to start.  Knowing where you want to go and how you are going to get there on all issues will help focus you on what matters most in your divorce matter.
  2. “All that’s sacred comes from youth”:  Do what you can to ensure that the children’s best interests are protected and safeguarded from the outset of the divorce until its conclusion.  If there is no filed divorce action and you are attempting to privately resolve your divorce without an active litigation, consider talking with professionals (therapists, counselors and the like) to learn how best to parent your children during the divorce.  If there is a filed divorce action in the court system, not only should you still consider consulting with such professionals, but also you will be required to undergo New Jersey’s Parent’s Education Program, which, among other goals, is designed to help parents better understand what the children are and will be going through during a difficult time.
  3. Find the right “Fixer”:  The divorce process can be beyond overwhelming for countless reasons.  When searching for a divorce attorney, consider not just looking for someone who is experienced in family law.  Also consider retaining an attorney who you feel comfortable talking to.  Who you can trust.  Who you can confide in and discuss certain aspects of your life and your marriage that you may not ordinarily feel comfortable speaking about with anyone else.  Who is responsive and reliable.  Who can ultimately advocate for you in the way that you believe best serves your interests and those of your children.  Who will listen to you and be mindful of what you are looking to achieve.
  4. “Saw things so much clearer”:  Many financially dependent spouses have no idea what assets or liabilities make up the marital estate.  Perhaps the financially superior spouse always paid the household bills.  Perhaps all assets and accounts are only in that same spouse’s name.  All of a sudden you, as the dependent spouse, are tasked with figuring everything out so that you can simply determine what you may or may not be entitled to in the divorce.  Determining as early on in the process as possible what incomes, assets and liabilities exist will provide you and your divorce attorney with a clearer understanding of the picture that is your marital estate and how it should be distributed.  In so doing, it is best (if possible) to get together the financial documents underlying the incomes, assets and liabilities, such as income tax returns, account statements, bills and the like.
  5. “The waiting drove me mad”:  As I have previously blogged, patience in a divorce proceeding can be a tremendous virtue.  There are so many factors beyond your control that can delay the matter’s conclusion that you can easily and understandably become frustrated and more willing to surrender to an inequitable settlement.  As a result, it is best to concern yourself with what you can control.  As indicated above, get your information and documentation together for your divorce attorney.  Timely comply with court deadlines.  Present reasonable settlement positions and if settlement cannot happen, do what is necessary to prepare for trial.

Commencing the divorce process, let alone going through the process to conclusion, may feel like you are at the foot of a mountain without the equipment necessary to even begin scaling its face.  The process and all of the emotions that go along with it, however, will hopefully be made easier when taking the above detailed steps into consideration.

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Robert A. EpsteinRobert Epstein is a partner in Fox Rothschild LLP’s Family Law Practice Group and practices throughout New Jersey.  He can be reached at (973) 994-7526, or repstein@foxrothschild.com.

Connect with Robert: Twitter_64 Linkedin

*Photo by Lugnuts (talk) – I (Lugnuts (talk)) created this work entirely by myself. Photo from Pearl Jam show dated 17th August 2009., CC BY-SA 3.0, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=24027300

As the line from one of my favorite White Stripes songs goes, “Fall is Here, Hear the Yell, Back to School, Ring the Bell…” I know when the new school year has arrived in my house because the boys are getting the last of their summer homework done, enjoying their last days of summer freedom and we are frantically shopping for new school supplies to stuff into their backpacks for their first day.

It is a crazy time of year to be a parent.  For divorced parents, however, the level of stress can be even greater and, as a result, increase the need for better planning and time management.  Grab a pen and a fresh notebook because here are a few tips for the divorced parent to start the new school year.

Become Calendar Masters:  Parenting time, classes, activities, child care, doctor and therapy appointments, sports, birthday parties and more.  The possible scheduling coordination and resulting issues are endless, and, as a result, it is very important to be on top of your game when it comes to knowing what is going on and when.  Using a web-based calendar with your ex can be invaluable to ensuring everything runs as smoothly as possible, and can even be a central hub for communications when emails and texts are not working well.  Consider Our Family Wizard and Google Calendar as two often used calendar options.

Talk to School Administrators, Counselors, Teachers, Coaches and More:  Getting these key figures up to speed on what is happening at home can greatly help them determine how best to care for and communicate with your child.  Have these conversations in-person, when possible, with the other parent and ensure that the both of you are copied on written communications so that no one is left out of the loop.  When appropriate, ensure that you and the other parent are both listed as primary contacts at school, and with sports teams, other activity groups, and doctors.

Attend Conferences, Events and Activities:  Know how your child is doing in school academically, socially, and athletically.  Try to keep everything as positive and normal as possible by attending sporting events, school concerts and plays, and classroom activities.  Try not to let these opportunities pass by without taking advantage, of course, understanding that work often takes precedent.  Your child may appreciate and remember such efforts more than you will ever know.

Keep an Eye on the Kids:  Growing up is hard enough without having to deal with family conflicts at home.  If you see your child having a hard time adjusting to the new school year, consider school counseling or private therapy to work through the situation.  School administrators and counselors may have private therapist recommendations tailored to your child’s needs.

Starting the new school year is always a daunting task for the entire household, but hopefully these tips will help you pass the test with flying colors.

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Robert A. EpsteinRobert Epstein is a partner in Fox Rothschild LLP’s Family Law Practice Group and practices throughout New Jersey.  He can be reached at (973) 994-7526, or repstein@foxrothschild.com.

Connect with Robert: Twitter_64 Linkedin