It is that time of year – snow is on the ground (at least here in Jersey), the temperatures are bone chilling, football is over, many women are already lining up to see Fifty Shades of Grey and what else?  Oh right, Valentine’s Day, where men scramble for the perfect gift, the ideal box of chocolates, and something inspirational in a card to say other than “Happy Valentine’s Day.” I was reading a list of the top Valentine’s Songs the other day and “Endless Love” topped the list.  If you are going through a divorce or are already divorced, however, you likely want to delete this Diana Ross and Lionel Richie ballad from your iTunes account because Valentine’s Day need not be the reminder of better times that most think it should be.

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Instead, it can be thought of as a fresh start for the newly divorced, or a reminder that that you moved on from that previously bad situation.  Valentine’s Day is completely commercialized anyway, right?  Maybe you were waiting for the 14th to pass, or that huge blow up finally occurred that broke the camel’s back.  In fact, while most stories focus on the rise of divorce filings in January or in September after the Summer comes to a close, filings also rise soon after VD.  It may be more of the so-called “new year” effect carrying over into mid-February, where people first meet with attorneys and get their documents together in January, and then file before March.  I have also previously blogged about how divorce filings are actually at the highest point in March each year.  So either there is a trend, or divorce filings are simply higher at all times of the year except for the Summer when people are with their kids or traveling more frequently.

Being mentally prepared to move on with your life and cast aside memories of the annual gift of roses is critical.  Going through a divorce or a post-divorce matter is not just about getting your documents in order and having your lawyers draft vehement arguments and advocate in your favor.  Rather, it is also about being psychologically willing and able to stand up to the other person who will do everything that can be done to make a final termination of your relationship as difficult as can be.  This may go well beyond the litigation in and of itself.  Oftentimes, a therapist may be the right move to get you into the right frame of mind to move on with a healthier life from an unhealthy situation.

Valentine’s Day need not be about remembering the champagne, candy and teddy bears.  Rather, it can be seen as that true clean slate or fresh start that you need it to be.

 

*photo courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

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