NJ Family Legal Blog : New Jersey Divorce and Family Lawyer & Attorney : Fox Rothschild Law Firm : Alimony, Child Support, Child Custody, Prenuptial Agreements, Essex, Morris, Mercer, Atlantic

All too often one spouse will pressure the other to settle an ongoing case, using finances, custody, or some other issue to force an inequitable end to a matter.  This comes up all the time, yet the pressured spouse frequently doesn't realize that it is happening, whether it is because she trusts her soon to be ex-spouse, is scared (or simply does not want) to litigate to obtain what is fair and reasonable, or for a variety of other reasons.

So what type of comments/efforts will one spouse make to pressure the other spouse into a settlement?  For the sake of brevity, I provide a list of ten fan favorites below, although the list could likely go on and on without end.  

1.  You are going to have to start cutting back on your (not his) lifestyle expenses or else we are not going to be able to afford to litigate this matter.  While in some cases this may be a true statement, I find this one particularly obvious and offensive in cases where there is more than enough income and assets to litigate and maintain the marital lifestyle for both parties.  

2.  You are going to cause us to go to trial (alternatively, "my lawyer told me that I am right, so I would rather go to trial than give you what you want").

3.  Do you really want to drag the kids into the middle of a (legitimate) custody dispute?

4.  I will give you what you want on custody and parenting time so long as you give me what I want financially.  This example is particularly common, but the issues should not be intertwined.

5.  Your lawyer is preventing us from settling (alternatively, "I want to try to work this out with you privately and impose my terms without your lawyer getting in the way").

6.  My income this year is not going to be what it once was, so we really cannot afford to litigate this matter.  (see also prior blog posts on Rapidly Acquired Income Deficiency Syndrome "RAIDS")

7.  I would rather pay my lawyer than pay you.  This classic line really has no bearing on the outcome of a support or equitable distribution issue, and, in fact, provides a compelling argument by the supported spouse for counsel fees due to the payor spouse's unreasonable conduct.

8.  The act (or repeated act) of violating an interim support ("pendente lite") Order requiring payment for various expenses.  This form of non-compliance forces the supported spouse to determine whether she wants to continually file costly motion after costly motion to address the payor spouse's non-compliance, or simply give in and surrender in the matter.

9.  Threatening the supported spouse that if she does not agree to go to mediation, she will "regret it".

10.  Any type of what is commonly known as "Divorce planning", ranging from ensuring a reduction in income (see #8, above), spending down assets, hiding assets, or engaging in any course of wrongdoing geared towards the divorce matter.

The possibilities are really endless, so it is important that you keep an eye out and understand that each of the above examples may (and I say "may" because some of the above claims may be truthful and legitimate) be designed to do nothing more than pressure you into an inequitable settlement that you may regret having to live with when you wake up the morning after that final judgment of divorce is entered by the Court.

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Robert Epstein is an associate in Fox Rothschild LLP's Family Law Practice Group. Robert practices in the firm's Roseland, New Jersey office and can be reached at (973) 994-7526, or repstein@foxrothschild.com. 

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In the newly published decision of Benjamin v. Benjamin out of the Ocean County Family Part, which has released several reported decisions within the past few years, the court held that having a guaranteed job in another state is not a mandatory prerequisite for it to approve a custodial parent's request to relocate to another state with a child born.  The court did hold, however, that the "likelihood that the custodial parent can provide the child with a financially stable household in the new state, including obtaining employment as necessary is relevant in determining whether a proposed relocation is reasonable or inimical to a child's interests."

On first blush, the court's statement that the primary residential custodian has the right to seek relocation almost suggests that such a right is automatic.  A closer read of the decision and its ultimate holding, however, indicates that the standard fits within the existing relocation standard. 

The parties were divorced in 2008 and agreed in a settlement agreement that mom would be the child's primary residential custodian.  In 2012, mom filed an application to relocate with the child to North Carolina, which dad objected to by filing a cross motion seeking a transfer to him of residential custody.  One of dad's arguments was that mom did not have a job in North Carolina, which would inure to the child's financial detriment.

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On the heels of our New Years Resolution Divorce post, I thought it made sense to also resurrect our prior posts on preparing for the divorce process and how to select a divorce attorney. 

Previously, Sandra Fava, a contributor to this blog, did a piece on preparing for the initial divorce consultation with a lawyer. We also previously posted South Carolina matrimonial attorney, Mellisa Brown's article entitled "How to Find the Right Divorce Attorney for You."

The process, however, starts even before that. On our web site, we have an advice piece entitled Preparing for the Divorce Process.

Since it is linked to this post, I will not repeat everything contained in the piece. However, the topics contained in that piece are as follows:

• Speak to an attorney now, not later
• Selecting the right attorney (including how to get referrals for an attorney)
• Gathering documentation
• Preparing for the initial meeting
• Telling the truth
• Keeping a diary; and
• Trusting your attorney for legal advice (as opposed to friends, family members, co-workers, etc.)

Do I stay or do I go? This is not an easy question to answer. However, if you are even
contemplating a divorce, divorce planning (and not in the nefarious way that often goes with this phrase) is essential, especially in difficult economic times. Divorce can be a long, highly charged, expensive process - emotionally and economically. Being prepared and keeping
perspective, at least as much as humanly possible, can help you save time and legal fees
while protecting your and your children's interests.

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Eric Solotoff is the editor of the New Jersey Family Legal Blog and the Co-Chair of the Family Law Practice Group of Fox Rothschild LLP. Certified by the Supreme Court of New Jersey as a Matrimonial Lawyer and a Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Attorneys, Eric practices in Fox Rothschild's Roseland, New Jersey office though he practices throughout New Jersey. You can reach Eric at (973)994-7501, or esolotoff@foxrothschild.com.

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It seems that moving parties are more often trying to overcome the defects of their motions by arguing that a plenary hearing should be held due to unresolved questions of fact or issues of credibility.  In other words, the litigant asks the court to hold a trial at some point in the future because the party asserts that the court cannot properly resolve the party's motion simply by reviewing the disputing positions of the respective parties set forth on paper. 

While the case law indicates that a court cannot resolve issues of credibility or disputed facts without a trial, involving testimony, properly submitted evidence and the like, litigants often try to use such case law as a crutch to get past the fact that their motion should be denied on its face.  What often happens, as a result, is that a court will err on the side of caution in the realm of judicial discretion and grant the hearing.  The collateral damage is the incurrence of additional counsel fees, and substantial time before the motion is actually decided, thereby leaving the parties in limbo.  While hearings are often necessary to resolve legitimate issues, the question is whether the issue is always legitimate.

For the financially superior moving party, this may be exactly what he or she wants, as convincing a court to grant a future hearing can be an effective tactic to pressure the financially inferior party to settle.  While that party can seek counsel fees from the court to help take them through the litigation against the other party on an even playing field, there is no certainty that such fees will be granted.

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Litigants who are displeased with the outcome of a judicial decision can rest assured that there exist multiple avenues by which a review of the decision may occur – mainly, in the form of a motion for reconsideration or an appeal.  This post focuses on the reconsideration route, which, despite the large number such motions that are filed, is actually supposed to be quite strict in its application. 

As a matter of common sense and an effort to avoid an even worse judicial calendar backlog than that which currently exists, reconsideration applications are not simply a way for the unhappy litigant to get another “bite of the apple”.   More often than not, however, it seems that reconsideration applications are exactly that –a way for the dissatisfied party to be heard again on the same issues with the hope that the trial judge will simply change his or her mind. 

Rule 4:49-2, which applies to reconsideration motions, does not provide much by way of direction.  Rather, it focuses largely on the deadline for filing.  It states:

Except as otherwise provided by R. 1:13-1 (clerical errors) a motion for rehearing or reconsideration seeking to alter or amend a judgment or order shall be served not later than 20 days after service of the judgment or order upon all parties by the party obtaining it.  The motion shall state with specificity the basis on which it is made, including a statement of the matters or controlling decisions which counsel believes the court has overlooked or as to which it has erred, and shall have annexed thereto a copy of the judgment or order sought to be reconsidered and a copy of the court’s corresponding written opinion, if any.  

Various cases have fleshed out what constitutes a sufficient basis for reconsideration:

• The court’s decision is based on plainly incorrect reasoning;
• The court failed to consider evidence;
• There is good reason for it to reconsider new information that was not available at the time of the prior judgment/order; 
• By correlation, the motion may not be based on facts known by the moving party prior to the entry of the judgment or order; and
• The motion may not simply be an effort by the moving party to reargue the motion and expand the record – the motion is not an opportunity for the previously losing party to attempt a second “bite of the apple”.

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All too often I hear from clients about how they should end up with a specific result in their case because their friends went through divorces of their own and ended up with that desired result, or something similar.  I can certainly sympathize with a client who want to talk to their loved ones and other people who have gone through what they are going through to not only make sure that they are getting a fair result, but also for the simple purpose of comfort during a stressful time.  

It is critical, however, for each litigant to understand that every case is different and rests on its own facts and circumstances.  Each set of parties are also different from case to case, and as a result, each outcome is different.  It is always important that a client understands this to be the case as we explain to them the divorce process, what the law is and how it is applied, and what reasonable expectation he or she should have as to how the results received by others.

For instance, I learned from another contributor to this blog that whenever a client asks how long their case is going to take, the answer is generally "it depends."  It depends on you.  It depends on your spouse.  It depends on the facts of your case.  While matrimonial attorneys often have a preliminary sense as to what alimony or equitable distribution may be based on prior experience, no one can look into the future to see exactly what will happen.  Most clients want the divorce process to be as short and amicable as possible, and, from what they have seen or heard, expect only the longest and most acrimonious divorce imaginable.  Thus, from the very start the client must be made aware that the length and outcome of a case depends, in large part upon the parties themselves.

There is, perhaps, no better example of when this occurs than with the issue of alimony.  This is likely because it is generally a "hot button" issue, especially in New Jersey where alimony reform has been the subject of extensive recent discussion and attempted legislative change.  Also, unlike child support, which is generally based on the formulaic child support guidelines (unless further analysis is required where the parties' collective net incomes exceed the guidelines' limit), and unlike equitable distribution, which is generally a 50/50 split of marital assets (except with the distribution of the marital interest in a business), alimony is, perhaps, subject to greater shades of gray.

One of the first questions that I am always asked when it comes to alimony is for how long the alimony will be.  The question is then usually followed by the client stating how long the marriage was and what their understanding is from other people as to when permanent alimony comes into play.  Interestingly, while the length of the marriage is certainly an important factor, litigants often seem to treat it like the only factor, despite the alimony statute listing no less than fifteen factors for consideration. 

While there are certainly some predictors and practices to help advise a client in determining what alimony may be, there is no set of alimony guidelines or formula for calculation.  Rather, there are the factors I reference above, each of which is applied to the specific facts of a given case.  Thus, while the comfort afforded to a client in speaking with their loved ones is a strong draw, we as matrimonial attorneys must instill in them the notion that no result will ever be the same (nor should it be), especially in the context of settlement, where there is commonly a give-and-take between the issues of alimony and equitable distribution.  

Thus, while getting by with a little help from friends is often essential to providing comfort, advice, and compassion in a time of need, it is the matrimonial attorney who possesses the level of expertise upon which clients rely to take them through the divorce process and achieve a desired result under the circumstances of their specific case.  

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Robert Epstein is an associate in Fox Rothschild LLP's Family Law Practice Group.  Robert practices in the firm's Roseland, New Jersey office and can be reached at (973) 994-7526, or repstein@foxrothschild.com.   

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Reading and considering Eric Solotoff’s blog from earlier this week regarding the benefits of settlement, it is also critical to know when to settle and, quite frankly, whether to settle at all. This especially applies to those current or former spouses who simply cannot afford to litigate against a financially superior former spouse. This situation is often referred to as litigating on an "uneven playing field."

Trying to some degree to place myself in your shoes, it can only be an extremely difficult decision whether to, once again, go up against the other party with the bottomless wallet, or just settle for what they want and get it over with. These decisions may not only have an impact on your own wallet, but also on your family's overall well being, especially if children are involved. Too often, the other party knows this to be the case, which is why they will continue to file or threaten to file motions in the hope that you will eventually "give in" under the pressure.

This blog should not be taken as a sign of encouragement to litigate a case, but rather as a cautionary note for what you, as a litigant, may be sacrificing with your decision. Ultimately, it is you who has to wake up in the morning and be comfortable with your decision, which is why having all information at your disposal is, perhaps, the most important part of the decision-making process. 

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Fox Rothschild's New Jersey Family Law Legal Blog welcomes Kelly Sutliff, MA, LPC, NCC, a licensed professional counselor with Kelly Sutliff, LPC, located in Madison, New Jersey, as a guest blogger.

Having known Kelly for over ten (10) years and speaking at length with her about the trauma that many children suffer through as a result of divorce, I thought it would be helpful for readers to hear about the mental and emotional impact of this process from a mental health professional. Below is an excerpt from a piece written by Kelly to better help parents going through a divorce understand the impact on their child.

"It's my fault". "My parents don't love me anymore". "I lost my family". "I'll never see my mom/dad again". These heartbreaking comments are commonly mentioned by children affected by divorce. Although these comments may be unrealistic, the sense of loss a child may feel as a result of his or her parents' divorce can be overwhelming and devastating. It is important for parents to help their children to cope with the divorce as well as to seek outside professional help, if needed.

Divorce can be an emotionally traumatic experience that can have an impact on a child's feelings of safety, security, and stability. Frequently, the stress children feel as a result of their parents' divorce relates to the family structure changing. Children fear change and the amount of changes that follow a divorce can be overwhelming and frightening. Many children also feel a loss of attachment to one or both of their parents after a divorce. Changes in scheduling and how often they see a certain parent can cause a certain amount of distress. The fear of being abandoned is also a fear that many children of divorced families face. Often, they feel that because one parent has moved out of the "family home", they are likely to lose the other parent at some point as well. They may blame themselves, feel unloved, and worry that they are the cause of their parents' relationship ending. Another factor that can lead to children's feelings of stress is hostility and fighting between parents. Arguments and tension between parents may make children feel angry, guilty, and alone. Some children feel "put in the middle" of their parents' arguments and believe that they are being asked to choose sides. The internal struggle that these children face when feeling this way can have profound negative effects on their behavior.

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Right before the Thanksgiving holiday the NJ Appellate Court came out with an unpublished decision yet again reminding trial courts when permanent alimony should be permanent and not something else.  While there is no bright line, black and white rule written about the magic number of years that would entitle a spouse to permanent alimony, there are certainly some general facts that assist attorneys and judges alike in determining when a case is appropriate for permanent alimony.  This decision reminds us of those.

In the matter of Happold v. Happold, A-2792-10T1, decided November 21, 2011, the Appellate Court reversed and remanded (to a new judge in the trial court) a decision, which awarded the Wife 10 years of limited duration alimony instead of permanent alimony.  The relevant facts are as follows:

1. The parties were married for 21 years at the time the Complaint for Divorce was filed.

2. The parties were ages 42 and 43 at the time of the Complaint.

3. Three children were born of the marriage, one was emancipated before the trial.

4. The Wife became pregnant with the parties' first child at the age of 16, when she was in the 10th grade.  Husband was in 11th grade at the time.  Wife dropped out of high school only completing a 9th grade level of education.  Husband continued in school and graduated.

5. One year after their first child's birth, Wife moved into Husband's parents' home with Husband.  Wife never worked outside the home during this time.  Husband completed high school and began working.

6. The parties' two other children were born in 1993 and 1995.  While Husband worked outside the home and his career continually advanced, Wife remained at home as the sole caretaker for the children and the home.

7. During the marriage, Husband controlled the parties' finances except for a jointly held savings account intended to give Wife immediate access to money if Husband died.

8. At the time of the trial and during the last year of the marriage, Husband's income was $238,500 and $215,000 respectively.

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Oftentimes, a less economically able party is faced with a spouse or former spouse who insists on litigating time and again simply because they can, hoping that the "war of attrition" will force the other party to give them what they want to avoid further motion practice.  We as family practitioners know that while the Rules of Court provide a party with the ability to seek a counsel fee award from the other party for a variety of reasons including, but not limited to, "evening the financial playing field," assisting a party in need where the other party has the ability to pay, or, commonly, addressing the other party's unreasonable behavior, courts do not always award fees even in what may seem like an obvious situation to do so. 

For example, a party bringing a motion to enforce litigant's rights may not receive an award of fees even if they tried to settle to no avail before filing the motion, especially where the other party "remedies" the issues before the Court actually decides the motion.  Of course, the motion would not have been filed had the other party earlier complied, but the effort to render issues "moot" after the motion is filed oftentimes sways a court not to award fees even though it was the motion itself that compelled compliance.

I recently dealt with the "war of attrition" litigant, who has filed the same motion against our client time and again - literally, the same motion each and every year post-divorce.  In each of the three years since the divorce, he was denied his requested relief in three separate motions.  As sure as the sky is blue, the former spouse again filed a motion this year - his fourth - for the very same type of relief as to parenting time.  Notably, the former spouse also retains a different attorney for each motion in an effort to cleanse the court's palette.  In two of the three prior denials of his requested relief, he was Ordered to pay our client substantial counsel fees since he makes six times the annual income of our client, and his repeated efforts to financially pressure our client into getting what he wants have proven transparent in the eyes of the court.

On this fourth occasion, the story was the same and, thankfully the result - a denial of the former spouse's requested relief and an award of full counsel fees for our client.  While the immediate result was positive, as it has been after each prior motion, I have no doubt that the former husband will again file a motion for the very same relief in 2012, 2013 and beyond until the child is emancipated upon whom the requested relief was based.  While one can only hope that our client will continue to successfully fend off his attacks, the more unfortunate problem is that she cannot stop him from filing his motions.  In fact, when he was denied time around, he verbally questioned the judge, incredulous that he would be denied again despite the lengthy history of denials and him being found to have not only acted unreasonably, but in bad faith, as to his litigation tactics.  It was this response that only further confirmed that we will be back in court next year, starting anew the annual litigation cycle that not only leaves our client financially drained, but also causes great emotional strain upon her and her family that cannot be remedied by a mere award of counsel fees.

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This post was written by Melissa M. Ruvolo, a new Family Law associate, in our Roseland office, and soon to be an official contributior to this blog.

Our blog frequently features discussions regarding what constitutes domestic violence to warrant the issuance of a Final Restraining Order (FRO). Perhaps the most frequently alleged “predicate act of domestic violence” is harassment under N.J.S.A. 2C:33-4. What may constitute “harassment” was recently raised in the unpublished Appellate Division decision of A.B. v. L.S.M. decided on May 6, 2011.

The parties were unmarried but had been living together for almost four years. They had two daughters – a 3-year old and a 22-month old. During an argument, the defendant called the plaintiff a “b-tch” and the plaintiff admitted she may also have cursed and yelled at him. The defendant attempted to leave the home but while doing so, got a flat tire. When he tried to fix it with a car jack, the plaintiff twice tried to remove the jack from under the car and the defendant pushed her shoulders each time. She threw the daughter’s sippy cup at his face and broke his nose. Both parties applied for temporary restraining orders, which were dismissed. The defendant eventually moved out of the home and parenting time was ordered by the Court.

Two months later, the defendant went to the plaintiff’s home and knocked on her bathroom window, pleading to speak with her. The plaintiff refused. On the way home from plaintiff’s house, the defendant sent her an apologetic text message stating that he had no idea how much he had hurt her and would leave her alone.

Several days later, when the defendant went to the plaintiff’s home to pick up the children for parenting time, he asked to speak with her. He told her he “really missed her” and wanted to “hug and kiss her.” She responded that she didn’t want to talk to him or “have him touch her.” Later that evening, the defendant sent a text message to the plaintiff claiming the children forgot a teddy bear and blanket. She offered to bring them to his home and he agreed. When the plaintiff arrived at the defendant’s front door, he told her the children were already asleep, leading her to believe that the entire incident was a ploy to get her there. According to the plaintiff, the defendant grabbed her to prevent her from leaving and she told him not to touch her. The plaintiff’s friend, who was waiting in the car, witnessed the defendant give the plaintiff an unwanted “bear hug.”

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My father used to tell a bad joke that went "Q. Why do men die before their wives?  A. Because they want to."  Bad joke aside, while there are many studies that show that men are typically financially better off then women after a divorce, are they happier?  There is now a study that suggests that maybe they are not.

In fact, Aaron Weems, an associate in our Bucks County office and editor of our Pennsylvania Family Law Blog recently posted an interesting piece on that blog on the The Longevity Project, entitled "Ladies: Get Divorced and Live Great; Guys, Get Divorced and Die Early."

Aaron noted that  the authors concluded that after going through a divorce women tend to thrive and live long, active lives, while men, quite simply, do not. They die early. Aaron further noted that the impact on divorce was surprising: men who divorced, stayed divorced, or remarried and divorced again saw their mortality rates rise far above their long-married peers. Women, on the other hand, seemed to thrive after they divorced (single women and widows did similarly well). The authors reasoning was that women often left bad marriages and, for possibly the first time in their adult lives, found themselves in charge of their own life and were invigorated by the opportunity to live independently.

In any event, both Aaron's blog and the study itself are interesting reads and food for thought.  I will leave the joke telling to my father, however.

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When parties resolve their divorce via a settlement agreement, can they agree that neither party will seek to modify the agreed upon terms of alimony and child support?  In New Jersey, a court may generally modify a support obligation at any point in time to achieve equity inherent in this State's alimony law.  For instance, as detailed countless times on this blog, a party must establish that they have experienced a substantial and continuing change in circumstances under the seminal case of Lepis v. Lepis, 83 N.J. 139 (1980), in order to merit some form of support modification. 

An "anti"-Lepis clause, however, attempts to limit the court's ability to modify via a waiver by the parties to seek such modification.  To be enforceable, the clause must fulfill several conditions.  First, the parties must include such language in the settlement agreement "with full knowledge of all present and reasonably foreseeable future circumstances," and second, "must bargain for a fixed payment or establish the criteria for payment to the dependent spouse, irrespective of circumstances that in the usual case would give rise to Lepis modifications of their agreement."

However, consistent with my assertion above that such clauses are enforceable - until they are not enforceable - the overriding legal principle in New Jersey is that "If circumstances have made the parties' standards unreasonable, they can in extreme cases be modified.  In less extreme cases . . . the payments can be accrued with enforcement conditioned upon the payment of reasonable periodic payments."

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Visiting a divorce attorney for an initial consultation can be a difficult and intimidating proposition.  For some, it is the realization that their marriage may be over.  For others, it is simply the discussion of such deeply personal matters with a stranger.

Nerves or trepidation aside, the main purpose of the initial consultation is to learn about the process and understand what your rights and obligations could be.  The law is never black and white but has many shades of gray.  A good consultation will explain the black and white and touch upon the relevant areas of gray. 

The initial consultation is also important because this process lets you interview your potential counsel.  Not only is it important that you find the attorney you plan to hire to be competent and best able to represent your interests, but its important that you also like your potential counsel.  Sounds trivial but keep in mind that your divorce lawyer is someone who is quickly going to learn the good and the bad of you and your most personal relationship, your marriage.  Secrets aren't helpful and a level of trust is required.

So what can you do to make sure you get the most out of this initial consultation and at the same time provide counsel the relevant and important information needed?  Here are some suggestions:

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Last year I wrote the indented piece below about the "New Year's Resolution Divorce."  We got a lot of response to that post, including it being cited elsewhere, so I thought I would re-run it.

Over the years, I have noted that the number of new clients spikes a few times of the year, but most significantly right after the new year.  Out of curiosity, I typed "New Years Resolution Divorce" into Google and got 540,000 results in .29 seconds.  While not all of the search results were on point, many were extremely interesting.  It turns out that my intuition about this topic was right and that there are several reasons for it.

One article on Salon.com put divorce up there with weight loss on New Years resolution lists. Also cited in this article was that affairs are often discovered around the holidays.  Another article linked above attributed it to "new year, new life".  Another article claimed that the holidays create a lot of pressures at the end of the year that combine to put stress on people in unhappy or weak relationships.  Family, financial woes, etc. associated with the holidays add to the stress.  Turning over a new leaf to start over and improve ones life was another reason given.  This seems to be a logical explanation for a clearly difficult and perhaps heart wrenching decision.

In my experience, people with children often want to wait until after the holidays for the sake of the children.  There is also the hope, perhaps overly optimistic, that the divorce will be completed by the beginning of the next school year.  These people tend to be in the "improving ones life" camp. 

So as divorce lawyers, we hope to avoid or at least resolve in advance the holiday visitation disputes that inevitably crop up, then relax and enjoy the holiday as we await the busy season to begin. 

In 2010, the phenomena started early for us and many other attorneys.  We were contacted by more people in December than in any year in recent memory.  Moreover, we have heard of more people telling their spouse it "is over" before the holidays this year.  I suspect that in some, it was the discovery/disclosure of a new significant other or perhaps pressure being exerted by that person that was the cause.  In other cases, the person just didn't want to wait until the new year to advise their spouse.  Whatever the reason, we await those who see 2011 as a chance for happiness or a fresh start.  Happy New Year?!?!

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Perhaps its the stress of family life during the holiday season, but many clients of late have claimed that the supporting spouse has stopped supporting the family as he did during the marriage.  The reasons are varied, but often of the same cloth - i.e., the payor spouse claims that he is now earning less money than before, the payor spouse claims that the payee spouse is overspending (despite there being no change from the marital lifestyle) and believes that the supported spouse should get a job after having never worked during the marriage, or, most egregiously, that they simply believe that the marriage is over and a support obligation is over unless a Court directs otherwise.

These situations often leave the supported spouse afraid and wondering how they are going to meet everyday expenses for herself and the kids, while also litigating a divorce matter against their financially superior spouse.  Often this is part of the supporting spouse's underlying strategy - economic coercion, i.e., essentially trying to force the supported spouse to settle under his terms without going through a protracted litigation.

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Throughout the course of this blog's existence in the family law blogosphere, we have cautioned and advised on the pitfalls of failing to timely divide retirement assets.  An entry addressing this issue dating back almost two years can be found here, only showing how this important issue is one that divorcing parties often do not consider, but are faced with after the divorce is finalized.  How about on the flip-side of the coin, so to speak?  For the party whose retirement asset is to be divided, what is "fair and equitable" for equitable distribution as to when the asset should be divided and at what value?

The Appellate Division recently addressed this issue in the matter of Ejiofor v. Ejiofor, where it reversed and remanded a trial court's decision for a determination of the current value of the husband's share of the wife's retirement accounts. 

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I suspect that anyone that read my last blog might think that I am against shared custody or that I believe it to be impossible.  That is not the case.  Rather, my point in that post was to address possibly bad faith requests for joint custody by those people who have historically neither spent a lot of time with the children nor did much of the actual parenting.

But shared parenting time is not an impossibility.  Supposedly, it requires parents who have the ability to communicate and cooperate.  That said, I have seen parents who cannot have a civil word with each other effectively co-parent. 

Shared parenting, by New Jersey standards, is anything between 28% (104 overnights) and 50% of the overnights with the children.  Curiously, these definitions actually stem from the child support guidelines.  When the newest iteration of the Guidelines came into being in 1997 or 1998, they had two different worksheets - a sole parenting worksheet and a shared parenting worksheet (104 overnights and over).  While non-custodial parents now got child support reductions with each overnight, the credit was greater using a shared parenting worksheet. As a result of the new guidelines, negotiations over additional overnights began, in many cases for obvious reasons.

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In what could be the precursor to a long-awaited battle before the United States Supreme Court, a federal court in California today struck down as unconstitutional the controversial, voter-approved "Proposition 8" law banning same sex marriage.  Analysts of the 136-page opinion have suggested that it is so carefully and thoughtfully drafted that the Highest Court in the Land may find itself up against the wall should it seek to overturn its findings and conclusions in the future. 

The federal court judge found that Prop 8 essentially required discrimination in its implementation on the basis of both sex and sexual orientation with an enforced notion that "gays and lesbians are not as good as heterosexuals."  From a constitutional law standpoint, the law did not live up to even the most lenient "rational basis" test (i.e., the law is not rationally related to a legitimate state intertest) to pass muster under the Constitution's Equal Protection Clause. 

In what can only be described as the sort of monumental rhetoric that will likely be remembered for years to come, the opinion concluded in response to supporters of the law who argued that same-sex marriage violates the fundamental notions of marriage and procreation, "Tradition alone, however, cannot form the rational basis for a law."

Interesting, however, is that the same federal judge immediately stayed his own decision, pending appeals by supporters of the now unconstitutional law.

We will continue to update this blog as details unfold.  For an earlier blog entry on this topic, click here and here.

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On July 26, 2010, an equally divided New Jersey Supreme Court refused to hear an attack on civil union statute in a motion filed in the Lewis v. Harris case.  Rather, the Court's Order held that the matter cannot be decided without a trial like record and as such, denied the motion without prejudice for a new law suit to be filed.  The Order specifically noted that it made no determination on the consitutionality of the civil union statute.

In the dissent by the other three Justices, they framed the issue as follows:

Plaintiffs are six committed same-sex couples who have filed a motion in aid of litigants’ rights claiming that almost four years after Lewis v. Harris, 188 N.J. 415 (2006), and three-and-one-half years after passage of the Civil Union Act, N.J.S.A. 37:1-28 to -36, they still are denied the “full rights and benefits enjoyed by heterosexual married couples” mandated by the equal-protection guarantee of Article I, Paragraph 1 of the New Jersey Constitution. In their papers, plaintiffs detail a host of workplace, public accommodation, family law, economic, and various other “rights and benefits” that, they allege, are
not afforded to them despite the Civil Union Act and the command in Lewis. In addition to certifications by the parties, plaintiffs cite to the report of the Civil Union Review Commission, N.J.S.A. 37:1-36, a body established by the Legislature as part of the Civil Union Act to evaluate the Act’s success, which concluded that civil unions have failed to deliver the mandate of equality guaranteed by Article I, paragraph 1. However, plaintiffs’ record has not been tested in the crucible of a litigated matter. Thus, we realize that we do not have a sufficient basis for debating the merits of the application, which raises a matter of general public importance and one of constitutional significance.

The next step should be the development of a record on which those important issues can be resolved quickly. At the very least, oral argument would have helped to guide us on the best procedural course for creating such a record. We are disappointed that three members of the Court have voted to deny the motion without oral argument and that plaintiffs must now begin anew and file a complaint in the
Superior Court seeking the relief to which they claim they are entitled. If plaintiffs’ allegations are true -- and we will not surmise whether they are or are not -- then the constitutional inequities should be addressed without any unnecessary delay. Therefore, we would hope that the proceedings in the Superior Court will be conducted with all deliberate speed.

One wonders whether there would have been a different result had Justice Wallace had been granted tenure and there was a full court of seven members.  That said, stay tuned for the next installment once the next round of litigation of this issue begins.

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Mark Ashton, a partner in our Exton, Pennsylvania office, and a contributor the firm's Pennsylvania Family Law blog, wrote an excellent post on that blog entitled "A Divorce Negotiation Primer".

There are several points I would like to highlight:

• negotiations are confidential and cannot be introduced in court, except for very limited circumstances, but not as to the ultimate issue that is the subject of the negotiations.
• negotiation is intended to narrow issues
• at the time of trial, no one is bound by the positions taken during negotiations
• a party who negotiates backwards (for example making a demand, then increasing the demand), risks losing credibility in the negotiations and also causes their attorney to lose credibility.
• Put all issues on the table as early as possible so as not to spring new issues when settlement appears near and/or give a party false hope of settlement when the parties are not really all that close.

As usual, Mark's advice is good advice. 

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As tax season is upon is, the issue of whether to file joint returns is upon us as well.  i previously blogged about the topic of innocent spouse relief and the fact that the innocent spouse form that the IRS has published for those seeking innocent spouse status has many traps for the unwary. 

Today, I read an interesting article by the accounting firm Smolin Lupin "Spouses are Guilty Until Proven Innocent - Tax Liability Shared by Both." 

The article reminds that you are generally liable for paying the tax due, plus interest and any penalties. Moreover, even if the income and/or unreporting is attributable to your spouse, since the filing of a joint return creates joins and several liability, your wages can be seized by the IRS.

The article further reminds that one may qualify for "innocent spouse" relief if that taxpayer can prove:

• There is a substantial understatement of tax attributable to the grossly erroneous items of your spouse or ex-spouse.
• The hidden income belonged to your ex-spouse and you didn't benefit from it.
• You didn't know or have reason to know about the understatement.
• It would be inequitable to hold you liable.

The article closes with the following excellent piece of advice:

Don't count on innocent spouse relief if you know your spouse is cheating. Consider filing separate tax returns -- especially if you're in the process of a divorce. It may save you a bundle in the future.
 

As noted in my prior entry on this topic, since the innocent spouse form has to be signed under penalty of perjury, a wrong answer not only could preclude granting of Innocent Spouse Relief, but also could be used to assert - if not prove - tax fraud given a person's knowledge and involvement when the returns were filed.  As such, the bottom line is that great care should be taken when completing this form. A person seeking to do so should consult with an attorney and tax advisor, in advance, so as to not incriminate themself.

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The old adage is that “He who represents himself has a fool for a client.” Family law by nature is an emotional area of the law - custody, alimony, equitable distribution, visitation, child support – these things impact peoples’ lives. As a result, when a party disagrees with the decision by the trial court, they have the right to appeal. When the Appellate Division issues a published decision, that decision becomes binding on all trial courts in the State. Thus, family law is constantly changing and evolving. 

For instance, in a recent unpublished appellate decision, a pro se litigant appealed a post-judgment order relating to alimony and custody. In R.K.B. v. C.W.B., App. Div., decided February 8, 2010, Docket No. A-1613-08T1, a pro se defendant, CWB, appealed from an order that: 1) denied his request for a hearing on custody of the parties' son; 2) found defendant in violation of litigant's rights and ordered him to pay plaintiff the sum of $5,000 due as reimbursement alimony; 3) restrained him from discussing court proceedings with his son; and 4) directed him to pay $1,750 to plaintiff as attorney's fees. The Appellate Division affirmed the trial court decision, finding that the trial judge did not abuse his discretion. In addition, the Appellate Court noted that the defendant failed to present sufficient facts to justify a hearing on child custody.

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Almost two years ago, in fact, one of the first blog posts even on this blog, I authored a post entitled "All Cases Have a Life of their Own." I just finished a case this week that gave me reason to think about this post again. 

In this case, one party just didn't want to get a divorce.  It did not make a difference that the other spouse made clear in no uncertain terms that the divorce was going to happen.  In fact, because the spouse asked the other to reconcile every single day, knowing that it would upset the other spouse, that spouse heard every day that the marriage was over.  Even the children's therapist advised that that spouse should move out given the impact of that spouse's continued presence on the children, etc.  Nothing sunk in.  Eventually, the finality of the trial date, in fact on the trial date, did the matter finally settle, but not without several last ditch attempts not to proceed with the divorce.  The real shame is that substantial fees had to be incurred to prepare for trial - an unavoidable problem because one spouse held out hope for reconciliation until the bitter end.

I have another matter, where a spouse is refusing to make settlement proposal but is demanding a settlement conference.  It seems clear that the desire is to get the other spouse in a room to bully that spouse into a settlement or otherwise because there is the expectation that the other spouse will capitulate just as always occur ed during the marriage.

Some spouses refuses to provide discovery or comply with others, hoping to wear the other spouse down.

The bottom line is that hopefully the put upon spouse will stay strong and not fall prey to the other parties unreasonable if not bad faith conduct.  More importantly, hopeful the Court's will protect that party with a fair and generous award of counsel fees.

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What happens when a dependent spouse begins living with another partner? Well, in the recent unpublished decision of Hartelust v. Hartelust the Appellate Division reviewed this question. Docket No. A-2519-08T3, decided January 12, 2010. 

Plaintiff Nora Hartelust appealed from an August 1, 2008 Order that terminated Defendant Alexander Hartelust’s alimony obligation.   After twenty years of marriage the couple was divorced in January 2007. The judgment of divorce incorporated the property settlement agreement (PSA).   At the time, the couple had a fifteen year old child, Alexander was earning $60,000/year and Nora was earning $15,000 per year. The PSA stated that Alexander would pay $175 per week in child support, $220 per week in permanent alimony, and transfer his ownership in the marital home to Nora. The PSA did not address cohabitation.

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Over the years, I have noted that the number of new clients spikes a few times of the year, but most significantly right after the new year.  Out of curiosity, I typed "New Years Resolution Divorce" into Google and got 540,000 results in .29 seconds.  While not all of the search results were on point, many were extremely interesting.  It turns out that my intuition about this topic was right and that there are several reasons for it.

One article on Salon.com put divorce up there with weight loss on New Years resolution lists. Also cited in this article was that affairs are often discovered around the holidays.  Another article linked above attributed it to "new year, new life".  Another article claimed that the holidays create a lot of pressures at the end of the year that combine to put stress on people in unhappy or weak relationships.  Family, financial woes, etc. associated with the holidays add to the stress.  Turning over a new leaf to start over and improve ones life was another reason given.  This seems to be a logical explanation for a clearly difficult and perhaps heart wrenching decision.

In my experience, people with children often want to wait until after the holidays for the sake of the children.  There is also the hope, perhaps overly optimistic, that the divorce will be completed by the beginning of the next school year.  These people tend to be in the "improving ones life" camp. 

So as divorce lawyers, we hope to avoid or at least resolve in advance the holiday visitation disputes that inevitably crop up, then relax and enjoy the holiday as we await the busy season to begin. 

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Under New Jersey law, a party of a divorce can seek modification of an order for child support or alimony if there is a “change of circumstance” that affects the income or earning ability of one of the parties.  Lepis v. Lepis, 83 N.J. 139 (1980).  This proposition is one of the most common reasons for post-judgment motions in New Jersey Family law courts, especially in the current economy.  But in a recent unpublished New Jersey Appellate Division decision, Good v. Nedza, the Court affirmed a post-trial order, which did not permit a recalculation of child support or arrears because one of the parties failed to act on information they had obtained years earlier and had at the time when the parties entered a Consent Order for child support.

In Good, the parties were divorced in 2002.  At the time, Mr. Good was the primary provider and the wife, Ms. Nedza, was a homemaker.  The parties had three children.  They agreed that Mr. Good would pay child support and alimony, and they would share joint legal custody of the children with Ms. Nedza having primary residential custody.  Over the years circumstances changed.  By September 2005, all of the children were residing with Mr. Good and his child support obligation was terminated.  A Consent Order entered in January 2006 addressed Ms. Nedza’s child support obligation to Mr. Good.
 

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Over the years, I have noted that the number of new clients spikes a few times of the year, but most significantly right after the new year.  Out of curiosity, I typed "New Years Resolution Divorce" into Google and got 540,000 results in .29 seconds.  While not all of the search results were on point, many were extremely interesting.  It turns out that my intuition about this topic was right and that there are several reasons for it.

One article on Salon.com put divorce up there with weight loss on New Years resolution lists. Also cited in this article was that affairs are often discovered around the holidays.  Another article linked above attributed it to "new year, new life".  Another article claimed that the holidays create a lot of pressures at the end of the year that combine to put stress on people in unhappy or weak relationships.  Family, financial woes, etc. associated with the holidays add to the stress.  Turning over a new leaf to start over and improve ones life was another reason given.  This seems to be a logical explanation for a clearly difficult and perhaps heart wrenching decision.

In my experience, people with children often want to wait until after the holidays for the sake of the children.  There is also the hope, perhaps overly optimistic, that the divorce will be completed by the beginning of the next school year.  These people tend to be in the "improving ones life" camp. 

So as divorce lawyers, we hope to avoid or at least resolve in advance the holiday visitation disputes that inevitably crop up, then relax and enjoy the holiday as we await the busy season to begin. 

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We have blogged in the past about parental alienation and "Parental Alienation Syndrome."  There was an excellent article in US News and World Report on line posted on October 29, 2009.  To read the article, click here.  To view some of our prior posts on this topic, click here and here.

The article discusses a movement afoot to add "parental alienation" to the next addition of the DSM (ie. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) published by the American Psychiatric Association.  The new edition is scheduled to be published in 2012. 

While there appears to be little debate on whether parental alienation in both subtle and not so subtle forms goes on, there is a debate as to whether it represents a mental illness.  On top of that, there is concern that certain opposition to visiting with a parent could either be age appropriate (eg. a teenager being oppositional) or otherwise justified.  The people of this view are concerned that making parental alienation a mental illness could be invoked by an abusive parent to gain visitation with a child that has good reason to oppose contact.

No matter where you stand on the debate as to whether parental alienation is a mental illness, it is clear that alienating behavior in whatever form, big or small, cannot be good for the children that are exposed to it.

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